Recovering in Short Shorts

I’m a facebook marketer’s dream.

I hear a lot of complaints about how they’re selling our info to advertisers. A lot of flak about how WE are the product and MARKETERS are the customers of social media sites. But I can’t help but wonder - who exactly is the victim in this scenario? When I started getting the ads for the company with “LIFT HEAVY PET DOGS” on their merch, was I somehow hurt by the fact that they had me pegged? Because from my perspective, it felt like I was thrilled to buy two shirts and a gym flag.

Hylete designer athletic shorts? You’re right, facebook ad, I kinda have been dressing like a wannabe Under Armour model for awhile now. Send me your finest cross training shorts and make them a quad-cut so I can show off these pasty white gams. Actually, I’ll take three. Hand blown glassware made from recycled bottle glass? It IS time that I upgrade my ever shrinking $12 walmart set that I’ve had for 5 years now. An “Into the Storm” shirt from Rich Froning, paying homage to the way bison turn and march directly at big storms because it gets them through faster? Fuck, I didn’t even fact check that shit to see if it’s true. Just, yup. Yup I dig that. I’ll take a tshirt and throw in some of that bison jerky to get me up to free shipping please. I imagine the bison turned and marched STRAIGHT for the slaughterhouse, right? There’s a metaphor worthy of future tshirts.

… Anyway, point I’m making is that I don’t get all the fuss. I was gonna be shown ads regardless. Might as well make them for products that I’m excited to learn about and might be interested in instead of generic bullshit.

My tshirt collection is gonna be out of control in 5… 4… 3…

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So of course, hubris got me after my last post. Last Tuesday’s workout at the box was all cardio, 3 rounds of a row for 30 calories, 200m run, 30 calorie assault bike, 200m run. A sweatmonster. I was feeling good about it going in - weather was nice and, while my conditioning is not gonna blow anyone away right now, I can run and there aren’t any movements I’m uncomfortable with in that rotation. No thinking only going only doing no think please. So I pushed myself in that first round, was just about keeping up with the pack of multiyear veterans, and then as I was turning around on the second 200m run…

… pop…

Something gave a little in the bottom of my foot. Tweaked all at once. I thought maybe I had just planted funny, but running back to prep for round 2 I was already limping. Sharp pain shooting up. Putting weight on it was rather unpleasant (pronounced “sucked every bag of dicks”) and as I stood panting and sweating and staring at the two rounds to go, I connected the pain to previous experience.

Plantar fascia. Fuck.

My time for the second round dropped from just under 6 minutes to just over 7. I was hobbling on the run and grimacing as I pushed the pedals on the bike. My brain was doing the math regarding how much respect I’d be losing from the group if I bailed out 2/3 of the way through this thing. I wasn’t sure if it was good form to just call it before the third or get a few steps in and then wave the white flag. Sharp stabbing pains every step just walking. I decided I would at least start with the row - the least painful of the three - and go until I couldn’t.

Now, I’ve been openly dubious about the whole group workout thing. I see people put on the blatant “CMON GUYS WE’RE GONNA CHEER THIS PERSON ON AND IT’S GONNA HELP THEM GET THROUGH” hats and I sort of roll my eyes. Campy. Cliche. If the person could push themselves through it they would. Someone shouting from the sidelines isn’t gonna suddenly make little Billy score a goal, or help little Susie stick the dismount. It seems like the shouters injecting their own ego into someone else’s story. Making someone else’s hard work about their shouting. It was the part of crossfit that I saw and was sort of scoffing at.

I set out into this third set row, sweat stinging my eyes and already struggling to keep my heart rate at a sustainable level, when the coach came around and checked my rower’s display. “HEY GREAT PACE M YOU GOT THIS” and then he listed off down the row. I looked at the display myself - it was a decent pace wasn’t it? Better than expected given a bad foot and how gassed out I was. I got through it. Then the run, I mean… it’s only 200m, right? I hobbled as best I could, shooting pains most steps on my right side, and got through it. Then the bike, that terrible terrible wind bike. My first experience with it, and it is as brutal as the rumors say. I pushed and pushed and struggled and could barely generate the power to move the thing. After awhile I looked up and realized I was at 5 calories - a sixth of the way. I’m done. There it is. Stick a fork in…

“YOU GOT THIS M”

“CMON M ALMOST THERE”

… two loud male voices from the group that had finished already. Not coaches, just other paying members. The first, I’m pretty sure, was the big viking looking dude that had just introduced himself to me on the warmup jog. The other, I have no idea who it came from. But I’ll be DAMNED if hearing some people that wouldn’t have recognized me last week cheering me on from the floor even as THEY tried to recover didn’t pull some power out of some reserve tank I didn’t know I had. I wasn’t suddenly lightning quick. It wasn’t suddenly easy. My foot didn’t suddenly NOT feel like it was being stabbed from below each push. But I found the energy and I got through it. And at that point, I mean it’s only one more 200m run so like…

I made it. It wasn’t a great time, though I wasn’t last either, but I made it when I didn’t think I could. So I’m sorry, people cheering from the sidelines. I misjudged you, and I was wrong. And thank you, Viking Dude and anonymous yeller of support in the group. I’m sure it’s already forgotten to you guys, but to a guy that’s been either on my own or listening to criticism for well over a decade now, the support shown to the new guy felt pretty significant.

So then I couldn’t walk for two days.

Had to cancel my rsvp for Thursday’s barbell class, which I HATED to do, but I couldn’t walk without leaning on shit around the house for support so taking a spot seemed selfish. I spent the second half of last week pretty gutted. Last time I dealt with plantar fasciitis it was about a 5 month recovery. Let’s see that puts me back in class around…. 2022 fuck my fucking FUUUUUCK here we go again. I almost posted something about it here but didn’t want to just bitch and moan about my continued health shit so I let it go.

And then? I could walk over the weekend. Not comfortably, it hurt, but I was at least moving again.

And then? It wasn’t TOO too terrible Monday. So I went to class. And was immediately met with a workout that starts with a mile run. Woof.

And then? I started. Told myself I’d try and warned the coach that I may have to turn around if it gave on me again. After 200m I settled in to a slower pace with an older woman and a younger girl as we worked our way up the hill. I made some crack about something and got a conversation going. The younger girl picked up the other side of the conversation and we were off. Lauren, who introduced herself around the half mile mark, was super friendly and chatted about the ins and outs of the social groups that exist in the gym and we had a nice conversation and before I knew it I had gotten through the mile run, bad foot and all. Today felt pretty decent again and I was able to knock out the power cleans and rows without much trouble.

So fuck the naysayers. Hylete quad-cuts, you SHANT be forced to wait until January. I’m back, babYYYYYYYYYYYY

In all seriousness, I’m so glad I did this. It is all the things I hoped it would be, and I’m even starting to enjoy the “oh shit here we go” butterflies that hit just before each workout. It’s been many years that I’ve been in this mindset of having to plan everything out. Needing to know what’s coming ahead of time. No surprises, no having to think on my feet, I want to know what I’m getting into and have contingency plans lined up before I get there. Well, that all goes right out the door when the workout each day is some fresh new hell to tackle. Some benchmark workouts gets repeated, but no more than once a year or so. No getting comfortable or falling into a routine, you show up and you trust that you’re gonna find a way to rise to the moment in the face of new circumstances. I think that’s powerful, and a lot of the life stress I’ve built up for myself over the years goes away if I can get back into the mindset that I’m capable even when facing the unknown. This is the perfect practice for that.

SO glad I did this.

Is anything else happening? Not really. I beat that AC Valhalla finally. 140 hours to full complete every area and finish the main story. Thankful for my Ferrari recliners. I spent far too much time teaching myself how to animate in this DaVinci Resolve program that I’ve been using for video editing. Not because it’s what I set out to do, but because I had an idea for a gag and decided to try it. When you spend several hours on one joke you’re not even sure if it’s funny anymore, which is a bizarre circumstance to be in. I legit have no idea if what I created is clever or funny enough to warrant the effort, but I did it anyway and it turned out well, technically. So… yay?

I think, if I had to summarize the last few weeks, it’s been one of recovery. Not just the foot, though I’m thankful for that as well, but in general. I’m finally getting myself to a point where I can spend an hour or two an evening, or several hours digesting breakfast on the weekends, on the couch wasting time on a game and feeling okay about it. I keep working on these silly creative outlets not because anyone will ever pay attention to the results but because it’s fun and fulfilling to make things. I’ve been cleaning out cabinets, throwing away a bunch of unused barware along with the aforementioned cheapo glasses and adjusting shelves to better fit what I’m storing. Another 4-5 frames being delivered tomorrow to finally frame up the art that’s been sitting around waiting for me to act. I’m finally learning the names of some people here in town that are around my age and of similar interests and not feeling like quite such an outcast. I have a place to be regularly that’s out around people and not just here at home. Hell, even the redneck neighbors are finally trimming up the Weedhenge that was creeping into my yard and calling people to take care of their tree threatening my power lines. Everyone is getting in on this act now.

It all just feels like stepping over things that I’ve been doing out of habit for a long time and breaking new ground. Not because I’m good at them, usually, but because I’ll be better for them in the long run. I’m well aware that this may be fleeting - I could blow out a shoulder on thursday, or get bad news at one of these specialist checkups I have scheduled in the coming weeks, or fall apart as soon as my arch nemesis Winter shows up - but right now this feels like real progress. Not just progress, but the foundation for lasting progress. The means to further progress with accountability baked right in.

Not worried about finances, professional gains, house projects, or finding love. My focus is on getting mentally and physically stronger, spending time on the things I enjoy doing without guilt, and learning to be a part of a community again. That’s a very new approach for me, but I think I’m onto something here.

Onwards and upwards. Foot don’t fail me now.

-M