Making moves. Silly, silly moves.

No, but seriously, how could it possibly be the late stages of summer already?

Time is disappearing in big chunks these days. Not just since tossing heaps of it to video editing and the latest Assassin’s Creed - though that’s certainly contributing - but even before that. It’s refreshing, honestly. Sure, we’re careening faster and faster towards our inevitable demise as the years sap our youth, our energy, and our cheerful optimism about the future, but at least it’s not boring amiright?

Joining the nearby CrossFit box was a great decision. I knew it would be. I vacillate between possibilities in so many things, but once in awhile an idea pops into my head that I know is right and good and true and this was one of them. I went three times last week, my first full week as a member joining normal classes, and it’s fantastic. A bunch of people pushing themselves until they’re doubled over on the floor. Coaches teaching proper form on lifts that I’ve tried but been too unsure of myself to go big on. Friendly people - members come up and introduce themselves faster than I can remember names. All cheery, all motivated, fistbumps even when you missed that last lift, because you went for it and were close and you’ll get it next time the workout comes around. It’s jarring, to suddenly put myself in the middle of a group, let alone a community, but it’s also really refreshing.

I have never in my life been so thoroughly thrashed and humbled by a workout. Last monday’s WOD was 10 minutes. Tuesday was 22 minutes. Both times I finished on the ground, panting and lightheaded and praying not to throw up (not in my first week, at least). It’s the intensity I’ve been missing, and I can’t help but smile in the middle of workouts as I struggle through. At the same time, I’m feeling my metabolism start to kick in a little after these last three weeks. That hadn’t happened yet all year, in spite of my constant trying.

The physical and social progress will come. More importantly, I’m enjoying the challenge right now.

In youtube news, I’ve just finished putting 10 hours into working on turning one of Bruddah’s silly off the cuff song parodies into a fully produced music video. Complete with backing tracks and visual effects and a chorus of minecraft characters. So this is what being an adult is like, huh? I don’t even look at the channel unless I’m posting what I’ve been working on anymore - I see no reason to pay attention to the fact that nobody is watching when that’s only going to be discouraging - instead choosing to focus on the silly fun that is putting these things together. It’s a nice low pressure creative outlet. Kind of like this journal, really. Just a place to put things out into the world, even if the world isn’t paying attention.

… ESPECIALLY when the world isn’t paying attention.

We’ve started playing Valheim in recent weeks, modded up with VR support, and it’s exactly the sort of silly janky VR fun that we excel at. We got in, struggled for an hour to figure out the controls, then summoned a metal AF deer god that instakilled us. Spent the next 10 minutes getting slaughtered on corpse runs as Metaldeer hunted us down over and over, then had to start a new Metaldeerless world.

We’re so good at video games.

Ran into Fit Brunette a few times this last week. I was fully expecting to just say hi and cruise on by after never hearing back from her regarding the brewery trip invite, but she came over and struck up a conversation. Both times she and her mom were walking their dogs - her German Shepherd just had to have knee surgery on a CCL - and they came over and chatted anyway. The first time for about 10 minutes and her mom stayed around. The second time, her mom kind of skirted the situation and left us to chat, almost as if SHE was interrupting something. FB asked which house on the block was mine, and told me that she and her mom had been discussing it and guessing at it every time they walked down my block.

… so like!?!? Very strange. All signs point to interest, and yet when I try to extend an invite she seizes up and gets super awkward and never mentions it again. So strange, but also so okay. More a curiosity than a concern at this point. I showed my cards, if she chooses to acknowledge them at some point, cool. If not, I’m glad we can at least still have friendly conversation in passing.

I got to hang out with Aloy again recently. That dog is a menace, simultaneously stressful and super mellow, and awesome. Dog energy, man. Dog energy.

Talk at work is of bringing people back into the office after 18 months of working from home. I’ve been there once a week still, adding “configuring the entire office for people to come back” to my list of projects that I already couldn’t finish, and I imagine they’re going to tell me I have to go in full time again pretty soon. I’m coming to terms with it. I have enjoyed being up and out of the house more. As much of a homebody as I can be, it seems better suited to a sometimes thing than an every waking hour thing. Still, the commute and higher stress that the office brings with it isn’t something I’m looking forward to. Right now they’re asking everyone to pick one day of the week to go in. I’m trying to push the idea that we should work towards everyone picking one day of the week to work from home. I think it’s a good compromise for the company to offer - give people the sense that they’re coming out ahead instead of just dragging everyone back in kicking and screaming - and it gives people like me a chance to schedule deliveries or home maintenance without having to call out for a day. Will see if I can gain some traction with the idea.

Speaking of home services, getting a cleaning service is on my mind of late. Another thing I didn’t do largely because Vally would have freaked out over it, but suddenly can reconsider. I still think it’s weird to have someone entering my home regularly, and my trust issues say that I’d be keeping an eye on my expensive electronics and such much more than I had been, but the allure of having a super clean home without having to spend a bunch of time cleaning sure is strong. I make the money these days. I’ve organized my life in a way that that money can be thrown around as I like. Why not?

I caught myself thinking that way recently. The realization that, while it’s true that money can’t buy happiness, money CAN be used as a tool to throw at problems that may be impeding happiness. Case in point - I’m just buying bagged veggies and salads now. Instead of the much cheaper ingredients and preparing it myself. It’s not an efficient use of money by any stretch, but when I buy the ingredients it becomes a 50/50 chance that I’m going to take the time to properly prepare them for any given meal. Yet eating enough veggies will help with my health and my work towards fitness goals. Ergo, I’m just gonna throw money at the problem to get veggies that don’t require time. It’s the health and fitness that make me happy, the money just assisted in getting there.

Again. Being an adult is pretty rad. Especially when I’m making decisions for myself only. Feel like spending money on some over the top theater recliners? Awesome, go for it. Want to head straight out to a friends’ house after work for a bar trip and then to hang around watching Bo Burnham specials until 1:30am? No problem. Feel like taking a book out to the park and wasting away the afternoon reading? Why not? No compromises. No second thoughts. No commitments that I didn’t make myself. It’s total freedom. While I’m sure the alternative has it’s merits, and I know this wasn’t always the plan I had for myself, it sure agrees with me now. No regrets.

Going to, once again, make an effort to update this a bit more regularly. I’m sure there are lots of little significant things happening in the weeks between posts that I’m just glossing over by the time I get around to jotting it all down, and I would like to have a rough narrative here that I can one day review. Not sure why I’d really want to review it. See where I had been? Remember all the shit I was dealing with? Chart my course to feeling better again after the fact? Will I ever really look at it? Who cares. I’ll do it because it feels right and if it winds up being silly or embarrassing later then so be it.

And that… that may be the most significant thing I’ve said in this entire post. Frame it. That’s how I’m moving right now. And it feels good.

-M