Enjoy.

Two week vacations. They're so good. But they go so fast.

Today is the last day I'm off work before the weekend and back to the grind. I've done my best to avoid all work communication beyond just sifting through emails to get rid of the junk. It'll be nice to not have hundreds to go through on Monday. But no responses, and trying not to think about any of it now. Relax. Reeeeeelax.

It's been a fair bit of just relaxing, but also a good mix of projects and adventures sprinkled throughout. I went down to see family for a couple days at the end of last week. I went down without much of a plan. More trying to just be a part of the family again for a few days. Not the visiting family member, where all schedules shift and people feel like they have to host and entertain for the duration, but a normal family member going through the motions.

I drove down and crashed at Mom's Thursday evening after barbell class. Woke up at a decent hour and walked out to meet up with Hollywood as she dropped Magpie off at preschool. Then we got to wander town a little, go through the daily motions. Went to a little coffee shop she frequents. Went to a few little shops on main street. Walked a bit. Met all the people - Seth who was putting up flyers for his Funk Emporium (I liked Seth), the coffee guy with the finance blog quietly worth millions, Hollywood's tattoo artist with his girl and their two dogs, etc. It was almost shocking to have so many people know each other in a small space. Like, it's a smallish town, but not THAT small. I guess when you go through similar motions each day you run into the same people. Still, a surprising number.

On the walk back we ran into another of Hollywood's friends. A girl around our age on a break from her marketing job. She was on her cell out by the sidewalk, but sis said hi, gave her a hug, introduced me, and we kept walking. I was told some of the sitcom-level drama stories of this girl, and of how she kinda bounces from thing to thing effortlessly. For instance, a year or so back she had decided to get into pageants, won the Miss Whatever competition for the county on her first try, and then was all “eh ok did that I don't think I want to do pageants anymore”.

See what I mean? Everybody knew everybody's life story.

We got back to the mom van, went back to hang at the house for a bit. Sat on the patio, taught Ruby the border collie that she needed to bring the ball ALL the way to me before I could throw it. We hadn't been at the house for more than 10 minutes before Hollywood showed me the text from Miss Whatever. “Your brother though” and an eyes emoji.

Oh. Well. Flattering I guess.

Eventually picked up Magpie, visited guitar virtuoso, and went back to Mom's. She and I went out for lunch, ran into a few more familiar faces. Had a few drinks. Mom's guy joined. We wandered town a bit before walking back. Then I got some texts for Hollywood playing up Miss Whatever's better qualities and playing down the drama stories from before.

Ok. Ok I get it. Thanks.

When we were headed out for a late dinner there was lots of talk about where to go. I suggested I wasn’t too hungry but could go for wings. We picked a spot and set out. Walking in the smiley hostess told us it'd be a 45 minute wait. Eesh. So Mom and Guy convened, discussed options, and landed on a place that had just opened an upstairs bar with a chef they knew, because of course they did in this town.

We walked that direction, through what felt like an old manor to the stairs and wanted up to what was clearly originally two bedrooms joined together to form an eating side and a bar side. There was one couple at a table and three bar staff huddled over the 6 fancy leather barstools. Lots of pricey alcohols on display. A small food menu. Not sure if exclusive or awkward or both, but Mom confirmed that her friend, the head chef, was in that evening so we sat down.

I ordered a beer and broke into a conversation with the petite bartender. Mom and guy greeted someone behind me. I get pulled away from my conversation to be introduced to the head chef.

Mom - “So and so, this is my son M. M, this is so and so.”

So and so - “We've met.”

Me - “…”

It was fucking Miss Whatever.

Apparently, amid marketing day jobs and moonlighting at pageants and doing Hollywood's hair and makeup for photoshoots and music videos, she's also the head chef at this new establishment.

Because of course that's what would happen in my sitcom life.

The good news is I wound up kinda liking Miss Whatever. Bright. Decent sense of humor. Not unattractive, and the Rogue looking streak of grey in her hair was a cool touch. Hell of a chef, too - that freebie dessert she brought out for me was amazing.

After a very big hug, we wandered out into the evening and Guy said “yah know, she took one look and let her hair down, I think she might have liked you.”

Thanks, Guy. Thanks.

Rest of the trip was uneventful. Family brunch with all the littles, if you can still call Bug and Nut little, and I headed home midday.

Sunday, I woke up early to drive almost two hours up into PA for their Ren Faire. Weathergirl invited me to come join her and a group of friends and I jumped at the chance to both see WG again and to actually get to experience a Ren Faire. Finally. All these years being a nerd, I'd finally get that nerd right of passage.

There had been some confusion about tickets the day before. WG had told me the previously that she had an extra ticket for me. Then the day before, she asked if I had bought one because they're sold out. I reminded her of what she said and she told me oh yeah oh she no problem I got you.

I pulled into parking for this thing and followed the costumed masses towards the gate. Got in line and pulled up the image of the ticket that WG had sent. Got to the front of the line, scanned, and a buzzer sound.

The older lady at the scanner looked concerned. “Uhm… well… I don't… it says that this ticket has already… did you already use this?”. The confusion from the day before popped into my head, along with the fact that this was sold out, and before I knew what I was doing I had blurted out “Oh, weird, it had worked when I went through just 15 minutes ago.”

She explained to me the hand stamp policy for leaving and shooed me in. I felt a little guilty.

Finding myself in a poor man's Disney world simulacrum of Elizabethan England, I stepped to the side to get my bearings. After roughly 5 seconds of scanning the crowd, my eyes landed on a brunette with a long ponytail in ultra tight red leather pants and a tiny red leather bra made to look like some wildly impractical video game level armor.

… Weathergirl.

I weaved through the crowd and met up with her in a shop. I waited for her to turn to find me there, and when she did I got a very abrupt “oh! You're here. When did you get here?” and nothing more. Awkward silence.

… okay… going great so far…

As I watched, it became clear that the four guys behind her were there with her. Not just there with her, but following her around. There was a big heavy hairy guy in a sleeveless costume, a very thin 6’ 8” bearded pirate, a smiley guy carrying a staff of some sort, and a small weasely looking guy in a leather jacket nearly on WG's arm and carrying her bag.

Ohhhhh no. My gut knew immediately what was happening here.

I stood back and observed, waiting to be introduced in some way. Didn't happen. I caught side eye from all four dudes. WG walked out of the shop and started talking plans. Tall Pirate shifted in his stance a few feet away, the other three forged a tight semicircle around WG with their backs towards me.

Ugh. Here we fucking go.

The group started to walk in a direction and I stopped them. “Wait!… Who the fuck are you people?”

Not even paraphrasing. It broke the ice anyway. After a quick round of names the group turned and followed WG into the crowd.

The first half of this event, about 2-3 hours, went something like this - WG would start walking in a direction. Leather Jacket would stay within a foot or two, just behind and to the side, carrying her bag. Staff and Sleeves would fall in, single file, behind them. Pirate would mosey along at a bit of a distance. I would do my best to keep an eye on the group while trying my hardest to not look like I was with the group. I wanted no part of this.

A few highlights to demonstrate the dynamic of this group stand out. WG cuddling up to sleeves randomly. WG noticing the conversation drifting away from her and loudly proclaiming “GOD, I MUST BE COLD AGAIN, LOOK AT THE GOOSEBUMPS ON MY TITS”, to which the guys would gawk and immediately make her tits the center of conversation again (as if they weren't at the front of hearts and minds in that armor bra anyway). At one point, as I'm trying to be friendly to the three stooges, making small talk, and Staff smiles extra big and tells me, without a hint of irony, “HAHA, YEAH. IT'S ALWAYS A HOOT WITH WEATHERGIRL” and then runs off away from me to find his spot in the single file line behind her. At one point WG decided to bring up her heart monitor, which is implanted under her skin in her cleavage. This was the way she had flirtatiously gotten my hand there on our first date. She asks Sleeves if he's seen it, tells the group to look at it, then tells him to feel the bump in exactly the way she had with me. Leather Jacket is still silently carrying her bag as close to her as physically possible. She mentions loudly, on several occasions, that people find her “very pretty”. The group stops when she decides they stop, waits in line when she decides to wait in line. When leather jacket ran off to find a restroom the group kept moving. When pirate tried to get in line for a turkey leg the group kept moving and he abandoned the line to keep up. She's often browbeating the three and they're laughing right along with her mocking them. At one point, when she was trying to flirt with me and I was having no part of it, she complained loudly about how cold it was in her skimpy top. When I offered neither hug nor my jacket, Staff awkwardly proclaimed that he got this and stood there for 10-15 seconds with his arms outstretched. When she asked what he was doing, he told her “offering warmth”. When no movement happened, he stammered a bit and then ran off to ask if the food booth had the flavor soup she wanted.

What in the actual balls is even happening here.

By the second half, Pirate and I had started chatting like normal people. We both confessed we had contemplated just heading out on our own on several occasions. So eventually we did. We’d pick a direction and just leave, fully expecting to lose the group and disappear on our own when we were done exploring. Inevitably we'd turn a corner and there they were, and we'd have to pretend like we found them again. But I was ready to be done with all of this.

As we were discussing the situation, I observed that, watching the behavior of the other three guys, the only word I could come up with was “simp”. He told me that WG had expressly used that word to describe them. Huh. He then asked how I knew WG. I explained her asking about me after a friend's party and how we went out on the date last weekend.

He paused, then looked into the distance, troubled. Turns out they had met at a previous convention, she had come onto him, and was texting things like how she missed him at about the same time she went out with me. Poor Pirate had driven OVER FOUR HOURS down from his home in New York State to be at this thing. All with a girl that was telling him she missed him, then pulled this shit.

As one would expect, the goodbyes at the end of the day were not as a group but as WG one by one saying bye to everyone. When my turn came I got a very long hug, with wandering hands and cooing and some excited words about the bullwhip I had purchased from one of the leather shops. She asked if Bruddah had passed along the invite to her Halloween party.

… what?

I was non-committal about the invite. Not trying to blow up anyone's day, I just wanted to get out of there. Later I confirmed with Bruudah the obvious - she had not asked him to pass along an invite. He hadn't even heard about the party himself.

The hell is the purpose of that lie?

I spent a day trying to make sense of everything before WG was asking why I was quiet and if she shouldn't talk to me anymore. I told her I was still processing things. The next day she asked again, so I just came out with it. Gave her the rundown on that experience from my perspective, why the group dynamic was all wrong, and why I had shut her out for most of the second half.

She. Was. Furious.

Apparently I had insulted the three friends calling them simps and she would NEVER say something so hurtful about them (but treating them as such was ok?). I was just insecure and blaming her for guys finding her pretty (I guess bringing the conversation back to her chest whenever it has strayed had nothing to do with that). Those were just sweet guys who sure lust after her but she makes it clear that's it. Sleeves is obese and she's never slept with him (wait… but then the other two…). She had told Pirate right at the beginning that they probably shouldn't even hang out anymore (so… you waited until after he drove the four hours to be here?). She's not shy about her tits or bodies in general because most of it is just pockets of fat and holes that people are attracted to in varying degrees and she's no prude (fucking… ew). And this has never been an issue before, so the problem can't be her it must be that she just pulled a couple of insecure guys (so, confirmed, you brought two guys you had showed interest in to the same event and are shocked that the one you chose didn't appreciate it any more than the one you tried to send off).

Of course, the parenthesis were just my inner monologue. I let it go. We went back and forth for awhile. I apologized for anything disparaging said about the trio, and I meant it. They didn't seem like bad people, just… a little pathetic by the standards I hold myself to. But other than that I just let it go. She told me she had been ENAMORED with me and told the group as much before I showed up, which I guess is all the side eye and cold shoulders I was getting from the rest. But eventually, I let her know that while I am genuinely sorry if I was condescending to anyone, and that I would be happy to be a part of the group in general, I wouldn't want to be “with” her in the group. So really, we don't need all this bickering about who's right and who's wrong. This is where I get off, regardless. So I wish her nothing but the best, I hope she finds what she's after.

There was a long pause, and then a single word response.

“Enjoy”

… You know what? I will.

This week has been resting. Working on getting a wall mount for my harp designed and built along with some more frames for instruments. Progress there, though today is nothing but rain which puts a damper on finishing up. I'm also calling around trying to find someone to get rid of the stairs between the kitchen and music room. The room used to be a concrete patio with concrete stairs leading into the house. When they walled it in they left the concrete stairs and just tiled over them. So now, in addition to the awkward and unnecessary 90 degree turn the stairs take into the room, the concrete itself is sinking leaving the stairs way out of level. I'm looking to have someone carefully come cut those stairs out so I can build some proper ones. Or maybe I'll find someone to do the stairs too, depending on pricing. A few contractors coming to quote it out next week. Gonna be well into the thousands even just to get the stairs out, but I think it'll be worth it in the end. And to have done before family all comes for our Xmas eve celebration.

Only other big event this week was the service for Bruddah's father. It was yesterday. They discovered, via his Facebook, that he had been a big fan of a small restaurant where they (and I) grew up. So much so that the restaurant recognized his name and offered to host. So yesterday I walked in, dressed in my good shoes, slacks, and a tucked in button up. Do you have any idea how long is’s been since I had to button up or tuck in a shirt? Years. Literally. Bizarre.

I fully expected not to know anybody but Bruddah and his sister, but I figured that would be okay. I'd just hang onto a drink and pull up a seat in the corner. Don't need to be uber social, just to support by being there. Maybe I can be a reprieve if one of the siblings needs a break. Well, not long in, the friend I had gone out and played tennis with showed up and sat down.

Ok good. I don't have to be awkward in a corner.

So we start chatting. Mostly about social norms in these types of situations and the differences in funerals between American and Indian cultures. Then Tennis Pro's roommate, who also happens to be Bruddah's cousin, walks in with her family. They all grab a seat and start chatting.

I am now the original founder of the family table.

Tennis Pro, Cousin and I are the only ones under 40, so we're chatting amongst ourselves a fair bit. Cousin, who I've met before, is paying a lot more attention to me than I remember. Tennis Pro leaves, and now it's just me and the family. I excuse myself to go chat with Bruddah and his friend. We grab a table.

As the clock runs out on the event, we’re just hanging and Cousin comes to join again. The six of us all decide to head off to the Inn for real food and more drink. Cousin is still being really attentive - flagging down the bartender and ordering my drink for me, then passing it back to me when it arrives. Asking all about my tattoos. Sharing workout stories. Asking about my house and where in town I am. There were six of us at that table, but I had the distinct sense that Cousin wast’t paying as much attention elsewhere.

We ended up heading back to Bruddah's to hang with Aloy and have one more round. After an hour or so, Cousin had to go. She came at me for a hug and really went for it. Long, firm, pressing herself into me, arms over my shoulders instead of the friendly one over and one under move. Feeling it, and recognizing it, I said something about how it's good to see her, she should join us again sometime, or let me know if she's in town. As I was headed inside, she got up from her car seat and walked back towards the house to invite me to join her friends on a trip to a brewery and winery tomorrow. Bruddah, who will be out of town for it, responded that I could take his place, as I'm “taller and more handsome” anyway.

So… I guess he was picking up on that vibe from her, too.

So… I guess I'm showing up to a brewery tomorrow.

Overall, it was nice. I'm glad we could turn what had every right to be a shit event for Bruddah into a fun friend hangout. I'm also encouraged by all this sudden attention I'm accidentally drawing from women. Been awhile since I've felt like I have that mojo working, but it's nice to be getting back into that level of confidence with myself. Still a lot of work to do on me, but people are noticing. Encouraging.

Lastly, I went in to my first ever chiropractor appointment this morning. Decided that, if the doctors are just gonna tell me my hip and back pain aren't cancer and send me on my way, then I should look a different direction for help. Especially after living with it for 10 months. So I went in and… enjoyed it? Maybe? Place was recommended highly by a neighbor. Doctor was cool, around my age if a little younger, and was able to tell me that I was spot on with my illiopsoas diagnosis, but that I also have a bad SI joint. That's news to me, but it is right about where I have that old nagging soccer injury so it adds up. He seemed really disappointed that he wasn't able to get any major cracks or pops, but said that can happen on bigger guys with a lot of muscle. Reminded me of my professional massage therapist friend from my CA trip telling me that my shoulders were as impenetrable as any of the players of the college football team she interned for. Nothing like professionals who know a thing calling out muscles.

Anyway…I'm waiting a day or two to judge whether it's worked, but I have one more appointment set up to follow up and see how I am. At that point I'll figure out if this is something to keep doing.

Important to ride this wave. Confidence projects, and leads to more interactions and more confidence and that feedback loop is what I need. Progress! Encouraging feedback! Muscles! Mojo! Your loss, weathergirl. I hope you have a blast making sure your army of friend zoned guys are still noticing your tits.

They’re not even real. Can you imagine? Resting so much of your projected self worth on something you paid to have surgically implanted?

shakes head

Onwards and upwards.

-M