A new mantra

Oh. Hey. Didn't see ya there. Been a bit. How's life? Family? Vaccine? Cicadas? Gooooooood.

It seems that the amount I'm writing here is directly proportional to my mental and/or emotional distress. It's been some two weeks, so I guess… that means I'm doing ok? Not too shabby? Everything coming along?

If it's worth doing, it’s worth doing badly. Exercise? I'm doing it, even if my hip and back are still out of sorts. Going through the motions should lead to progress again pretty soon, even if it feels lame right now. I keep seeing all these professional sports commenters talking about athletes that have been in the league for years and it's amazing they're still able to perform on some level. The athletes being discussed are usually younger than me. And those are professional athletes - I'm an IT guy - so I guess I shouldn't be too disappointed in myself when I'm not PRing squats everyday.

If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly. I'm finally getting back out for walks around park and/or town, and I'm making a point to try and strike up even a brief conversation with one person each time I'm out. Often this has me falling on my face or being generally kinda awkward, but it's also got me feeling a little less isolated in general. Trying to embrace the interactions and not worry about potential weirdness. I think it's working. With less worry about pitfalls, it becomes easier not to step in them.

If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly. I'm starting to follow some theory guitar lessons online to get more into some structured practicing instead of just playing songs I've learned. Hoping I can learn to riff better, improvise, and embellish chords more than I already do. Slow Dancing in a Burning Room is on my radar right now and I'm getting it. Feels good to be losing myself in the sounds again, even if there are still way more wrong notes than I'd like.

If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly. The first two episodes of the Minecraft VR series are up on YouTube and… they're not terrible actually. Pretty funny, I think, and that's saying something given all the time I've spent learning to edit and mix them. Probably put some 60-80 hours into it this last month and I've got 3 episodes basically complete. No idea what I'm doing, I'm fairly certain nobody will ever find and/or notice the channel, but it's up and it's a thing I made that's out there and that feels good. 10 views be damned.

If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly. All my options for home mold inspector were… less than ideal. I called a few of the ones recommended to me. The top name talked to me for 30 minutes initially, which was great. Unfortunately the first 2 minutes was the guy diagnosing my medical symptoms, not my possible house woes, and the following 28 minutes was him explaining to me that it's the wifi routers doing it but “they” don't want us finding out anything. I went with the other company, and that guy took samples that all came back clean. No mold. So that's another possibility off the list. I guess the endo doc was right. Maybe it is a chronic viral thing.

If it's worth doing it's worth doing badly. I had Model reach out to me recently for the first time in… gosh, 10 years? 12? Just before ice queen, whatever that's been? Doesn't sound like she's in a spot to be trying anything, but it sounds like she's trying something anyway. It's amazing what being a not-TOO-hideous bachelor with a dominant streak can do in the world of women that were with the same dull guys for years and end up craving something a little more extreme. No complaints here, though I do wonder if it's where I would have chosen for myself to wind up if given a bunch of different options. Oh well. Is what it is. Someone to chat with and maybe teach the ways one day in the future.

If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly. With the basement exterior door fully replaced, I bought the stuff needed to make a PVC screen door. I don't even know if PVC is a good material for that - it's heavier than pine - but it'll be a fun outdoor woodworking protect. Hopefully tomorrow. I can always go back and buy pine if needed I suppose, and what better place to practice door building than a minor door in a below ground level location? Maybe in the end it'll even be somewhat functional.

Gonna grab a quick nap before potential evening plans. Will I be heading out? Playing guitar by the park? Reading? More editing? Not sure, but whatever it is I'm gonna be embracing it even if I'm not great at it. That's the theme for me right now. Don't worry so much about how it turns out or what people think. Do it because I want to, and be nice to myself regarding the results. After the year and a half I've had, not many would be as far along as I am, or still working as hard to improve, as me. It's ok to be proud of that, even when I know I have a lot left to work on.

If it's worth doing, is’s worth doing badly.

-M

PS The artist I hired for YouTube avatars also did one of Vally and it's everything.